Strange-Relatives

One of the things I like about living outside my home town is that I don't have to meet anybody I don't want to meet. No neighbours dropping by unannounced. No visiting long lost relatives, Almost (unless my parents compel me to visit some distant relative in the same town (And the best explanation that they can give, if you ask them the reason of visiting them - Beta, it's always good to have acquaintance with your relatives, in a unknown place, they can be of use in your rainy days, Actually speaking, Its only, YOU (yourself), your family (directly related to you) and close friends (Close means really close. (Hey, Please don't take me otherwise ;-)) are the ones, who will standby you in your rainy days and not the relatives and so called friends). I can never understand their logic, but to make them happy, I visited many of them strange-relatives (SR, now onwards).

Now if you visit them they generally pretend that they are happy to see you, but if they ask you how we are related (SR and U), you actually need a white board (black board is LS), to make your family tree, and with many missing branches you will try to figure out, how you are close enough (In a family tree you will definitely not find any branch hanging out virtually (scientifically, no law can justify this), but this is how you can explain the relationship between you and SR (Its Modern science, as modern art, which needs no real explanation). We are apparently related. It is one of those relationships that needs a whiteboard and other visual aids to explain.

From the above excerpts you can easily judge that I am averse to people. But, actually I am not. Any ways..

What I am more averse to is the games one is often forced to play in such visits. Take, for example, the popular game called “Superficial Supremacy". It's easy to play. You go to somebody's house and start explaining to them how yours or your son's life is better than theirs. The goal of the game is to try to be as obnoxious as you can.
I had many fortunate moments of meeting the finest player of this game. And you will be surprised to know that, most of them are my relatives.

And there are many interesting incidence. To quote few, please read below (If you are interested :)

1st Incidence :) Greatest Player (Strange Relative, SR-1)

He started the game masterfully as soon as he entered.
SR-1: Where are you working?
Me: In a telecom company (it's a MNC, just to add flavour in the game).

SR-1: What is the name of the company?
Me to Myself: I would have told you this in the very first question itself, but I am pretty sure he must have no clue, whether this company exists or not. And why he is interested in that I am not very sure off. But this is the start of the game (Warming Up).

SR-1: How long this company exists in India?
Me: Around 5 years (Added 2 more years from my pocket).

SR-1: Strange, we have never heard of it.
Me to Myself: As if he is human encyclopaedia.
Me: (Mumbling) Oo (Not, actually bothered to give any kind of explanation).

Then he compared with his sons company.

SR-1: You know my Son is working with xyz company. Its one of the best in web designing (before I could, say I have not heard of this company as well).

This is one time I wished I worked for a well-known company like Wal-Mart (I am not sure, whether he is aware of this name too) or Nokia (Seems to be a better option as I have seen the mobile phone (of the same brand) in his hand). Working for a gun company like Colt is a sign of a loser. (I don't work for a gun making company but something similar).

Now the best question (Actually, this is the only question he want to ask for his General Knowledge but, the other questions were just the boundary of the main building).

SR-1: What is your Salary?
Me: Good enough for my livelihood (See, you could have quoted an package from you pocket, but his Son's package would be always greater than the amount you have quoted).

Me to Myself: He has not heard the line "You should never ask - girl's age, a man's salary and a child's marks".

SR-1: But, then also? (As if, he is thirsty and looking for a drop of water).
Me: Its ok for city life (Now, I can also play a nice shot in the game).
SR-1: O.K. (Saying some good strong 'sloka' for me (obviously in his mind)).

When met with silence, he continued to interrogate me.

SR-1: Do you stay in a company provided house or some rented accommodation?
Me: In a rented house.

SR-1: Oh, it must be expensive there? (2 thoughts in his mind this time, 1st : My company is not rich enough to give accommodation to their employees and 2nd: Sarcastic comment on my salary).

Me: It's a 1 BHK (1xBed, 1xHall & 1 Kitchen)?

SR-1: Then it must be ok, 3 BHK must be too expensive for a bachelor, but it is comfortable if you are married (He meant, 3 BHK is too expensive for you to afford. Ultimately it boils down to the same thing, my salary).

Me to Myself: Come on man, why are you bothered about my comfort, I am happy the way I am staying and it's quite comfortable.

SR-1: You know my son is staying in a 3 BHK flat in Mumbai (He bulged his eyes for added impact).

Me to Myself: As if 3 BHK means 3xBed Room, 3xHall and 3xKitchen, and as if taking a flat on rent in Mumbai is like you need to me a billionaire.

How ever much I tried, I couldn't get myself to give a damn about his sons 2BHK flat, in Mumbai. He was perplexed by my lack of enthusiasm. He reiterated the greatness of locality and the size of the 2BHK Flat. What does he expect me to do? Fall on my knees and proclaim, "Ya, this is like your son is staying in house next to Ambani's, have mercy on me"?

He is advertising about his son like anything. What he wanted to listen ... If I were a woman, I would've married him.

The questionnaire continued intermittently through the duration of the visit. I didn't do all that bad because at the end of the interview, she seemed reasonably convinced that we are fit be called humans. He even showed a hint of respect. But wait… there is more.

Just before i left, how do you commute?
Me: Bike or public transport.
SR-1: My son has a car (He didn't tell any thing about the make, so I was quite sure that it must be a 2nd hand car, just to keep it and being utilized in his Dad conversation).

Me to Myself: But, why he is trying to create a good impression on me about his son? I am not interested in marrying him (And I am perfectly normal :).

With that triumphant victory, he gave me his blessings and left with a content smile, leaving us to contemplate on our miserable lives.

I think almost all of us had the misfortune of meeting these great players of the game off and on.